Saturday, August 1, 2009

Birr Al-Walidain (Kindness to Parents)

The word Birr (kindness) in the Arabic language is used to describe righteousness, piety, reverence, devoutness and kindness among other things. The word Barr (kind) on the other hand, is he who is kind, devout, and righteous. Both of these words come from the root verb Barra which means to be dutiful, to be reverent, and to be devoted. So, when Allah (swt) uses this word Barr to describe Yahya (as), He (swt) meant that Yahya (as) was kind and devoted to his parents.

Indeed Birr (kindness) to the parents is a quality that was found amongst the Anbiyah (as), the pious, and those who followed them. Imam Bukhari narrates on the authority of Abdullah (ra): “I asked the Messenger of Allah (saw) which deed is most beloved to Allah (swt)”. He (saw) said: “Salah at it’s appointed times”. Then Abdullah (ra) asked: “and then what?” he (saw) said: “Then kindness to parents”, then he (ra) asked: “and then what?” he (saw) said: “Jihad in the way of Allah". The Messenger of Allah (saw) in this Hadith very clearly distinguishes the superiority of each deed mentioning kindness to the parents after the performing of Salah and before Jihad in the way of Allah, and there are many other Ahadith to this affect.

In one ayah of the Qur’an Allah (swt) commands the believers to be kind with their parents, immediately after commanding them not to worship anyone but Him (swt).

“And your Lord has commanded you not to worship other that Him and to be kind to your parents. If one of them or both of them reach old age then do not say Uff to them and do not turn away from them with angry words and address them with kind words. And lower the wings of humility in mercy and say O Lord be merciful to them as they cared for me when I was a child” [TMQ 17:23]

Saying Uff is the lowest form for expressing discomfort and annoyance which Allah (swt) prohibits, and even if there was an even lower form of expression to express discomfort or annoyance that would be prohibited as well. He (swt) further adds not to rebuke them, and to speak to them with soft and kind words.

In another ayah Allah (swt) commands believers to be thankful to the parents just after commanding them to be thankful to Him (swt), thus well establishing the status of the mother and father after Allah (swt) and His Messenger (saw). Allah (swt) says in Surah Luqman:

“And we have entrusted mankind with his parents, his mother bore him while she grew weaker and weaker, and his weaning is for two years, so give thanks to me and your parents. To me is the returning” [TMQ 31:14]

The Messenger of Allah (saw) emphasised to be devoutness and being dutiful to your mother above the father and thus as Abu Hurrayrah (ra) narrates, when a man asked the Messenger of Allah (saw): “Who is more deserved of my good companionship?” He (saw) said “Your mother”. He said “Then who”. He (saw) said “Your mother” He said “Then who?” He (saw) “Your mother” He asked a fourth time “Then who?” He (saw) replied “Your father”. From this it is understood that the love and affection shown to the mother should be 3 times as much of that which is shown to the father.

On one occasion the Sahabah (ra) brought the pulpit to the Messenger of Allah (saw). As the Messenger of Allah (saw) climbed each of the three steps he (saw) said Ameen. After he (saw) finished with his sermon and came back down the Sahabah asked him (saw): “Oh! Messenger of Allah, we have heard something from you that we have not heard from you before.” He (saw) replied “Verily Jibreel (as) came to me as I took the first step and said “Far away (cursed) is he who witnessed Ramadhan and did not attain forgiveness”. And so I replied Ameen, so when I took the second step Jibreel (as) said “Far away (cursed) is he who when your (Oh! Muhammad) name is mentioned he does not say Salah upon you”. And when I took the third step Jibreel (as) said “Far away (cursed) is he who witnessed both his parents, or one of them in old age, and he did not enter Jannah because of them”. [Narrated by Tabarani, Ismael Al-Qadhi, and also Bukhari but with slightly different wording]. How can one be successful after the Messenger of Allah (saw) and Jibreel (as) the leaders of the Anbiyah and the Malaikah make Dua against them?

Kindness and being dutiful to the parents is not restricted to Muslim parents, as when the Messenger of Allah (saw) was asked about a Muslim’s mother who was an idolatrous woman, he (saw) replied “Have good relations with your mother?” [Narrated by Bukhari].

So we find that Allah (swt) and His Messenger, Muhammad (saw) through these Ayah and Ahadeeth mentioned and many more, command the believers to be dutiful to the parents in all of their affairs, and not to upset them. So, He (swt) made disobeying the parents one of the greatest (Kabaa’ir) of sins. The Messenger of Allah (saw) said “Verily from amongst the greatest sins is that a man abuses his parents” [Narrated by Bukhari]. The status of the parents therefore should not be neglected, and should be realised, in that even if they commanded to do that which is disliked in Islam it is an obligation for it to be done. Since a disliked action is not a sin where as not obeying your parents is a sinful deed.

It is now incumbent upon Muslims to reconcile any contradictions they may face in fulfilling their covenant with Allah (swt). How is it that they prioritise the duty towards their parents and all the other responsibilities they share being a Muslims? There is no doubt amongst the Muslims that anyone who commands someone to disobey Allah (swt); it is prohibited for him to obey such a command.

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